Let's Get Naked

Jeff is really into ridiculous reality TV shows. Not the singing ones or the ones that follow celebrities, but those that follow average, everyday people. Truckers, alligator wranglers, pawnshop owners, tattoo artists, and especially survivalists. If my husband could describe his personality in reality TV show stars, he’d probably be a mix between Mike Rowe, Bear Grills, and Willie Robertson. Though he’s not exactly braving the wilderness when he uses his Amazon gift card to buy Poo-pourri and a zit-popping kit for his birthday. Can you tell he likes to rough it?

Not long ago, back when we had cable, Jeff found this show called “Naked and Afraid” and I would cringe every time he watched it. It wasn’t the blurred body parts that got to me, it was the absolute ridiculousness of the whole concept of the show that made me want to stick my head in a bucket of ice water and pray for the poor souls who came up with this. Seriously people. Can we not come up with some richer content? If you haven’t seen it, it’s basically just a random man and random woman stripped to their birthday suits and thrown out into the wild together with the goal of getting to some rendezvous point in order to be saved from mother nature. Creative, right?

There is certainly something vulnerable about being naked – letting people see the “real” you. This is most especially true with women. When I was younger I would cringe when I heard tales of boys towel-popping in their “community showers” in locker rooms. Girls tend to hate even the thought of this. We may feel comfortable changing into our nighties around our BFFs at a sleepover, but one big shower? And in a public place like school? But she looks better, and she’s skinnier, and she doesn’t have an ugly birthmark like me, we would think. We compare, we fear rejection, we get depressed about ourselves… all the while trying to hide those emotions with the latest make-up and fashions in order to close the gap between ourselves and our peers. What’s even sillier is that we compare ourselves to the naked bodies that we see plastered all over today’s advertisements and those are altered and doctored in order to mirror what our culture only thinks is beauty.

Specifically in the Church today, men and women alike tend towards putting a mask on, altering their looks and emotions, when they come in on Sunday morning. As they shake hands and greet others with the typical, “How are you?” it’s like we get those “I’m good” or “I’m fine” responses out before the question even gets to us. We may not know that the person whose hand we shook is struggling with addiction or depression, or dealing with a difficult boss at work, or that they just had an argument with their spouse on the way to church. They want to appear fine and we don’t want to bother with the task of digging deeper.

Ladies and gentlemen, your church family should be there to help you and it can’t be done in the two seconds it takes to grab a hand, and ask, “How are you?” before the preacher begins his sermon. Let’s take the time to get real with each other. You don’t have to shake everyone’s hand and tell them all your problems right there, but take the time to build up some deep and meaningful relationships with those in your church family - in and outside of that church building. If you are as introverted as me, you might show up to church activities, have a lot of fun with the people there, then go back home and feel friendless until Wednesday night comes around. Y’all this is something I’m truly working on. We need people to get real with. We need fellowship. Not just monthly potlucks (though we hungry Baptists need that too).

Our world needs real, not perfect, relationships with each other and with God. And the Church should be setting the example for this.

Let’s think about the first naked people in the Bible: Adam and Eve. They had free and open fellowship with each other and with God. They were roaming through nature and they weren’t “naked and afraid.” It wasn’t until they sinned that they became ashamed and even realized that they weren’t clothed. When God comes nonchalantly walking through the garden to greet them that day playing like he doesn’t know what’s up (kind of like when I act surprised to find my son devouring his toothpaste when he sneaks off to the bathroom for the tenth time that day), Adam and Eve know that they have harmed that transparent relationship they once had with God – they say, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself” (Gen. 3:10). Nakedness reveals scars, blemishes, and imperfections.

When we think about our relationships, with God and with our brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to have that perfect model in mind. Unfortunately we will not get to know such free fellowship with God until we stand face-to-face with Him, but we can get a glimpse at it through our relationship with Jesus Christ. He came and died for you for that very purpose! So that we might once again run naked in the garden. And it is basically impossible to not be real with God, so why even try? Each time you come before Him to pray, worship, or just talk, get naked. (Of course, I am talking metaphorically. Please don’t show up for worship on Sunday in your birthday suit. You might get kicked out.)

[Just as a side note: check out the naked (or partially clothed) worshipping people do in the Bible. Let’s not use this to promote corporate worship in our undies (Ha! Lord, please no!), but these peeps knew what it meant to get real with God. See Job 1:20-21 and 2 Samuel 6:12-21 for a couple examples.]

When we come to the Lord with the world stripped away from us, we are humbled. And that is where we will find safety and peace. This is going to sound funny, but I had this little realization about being naked and safe in the presence of God from my two-year-old. He is 100% a pants-optional little fella. He loves to raid his dresser drawers for pants to go outside or to copy daddy by riding on his trike and telling me, “I’m going to work” or “I have to go work legs” (Jeff likes to let me know what night it is at the gym as if I’m interested). But as soon as he’s ready to get comfy and play with his trucks or lay on the couch to watch a movie, those pants come off. I also noticed this week that when he is tired or upset, he starts stripping. Whenever he is feeling vulnerable or like he doesn’t have control of the situation, he starts kicking off his boots and shimmying down his blue jeans, all the while making a scene of exaggerated sobs. Now he only does this at home (thank the Lord), but this is where he feels safe and knows he can get vulnerable. Getting naked for him is freeing and makes him comfortable.

Do you notice that the older we get (and the more our mothers tell us its not polite to run around naked in public), the more we avoid our naked bodies in the mirror (ladies)? We might feel ashamed or frustrated or even disgusted... Let’s stop this – both physically and spiritually. We often try to tell kids in church that God loves them just the way they are and, you know what, I think that these littlest ones may have a pretty good idea of that already. We just let the world change and distort that truth over time.

Let’s get real. Let’s “get naked.” With each other and with God. Because He really does love you just the way you are. When the Lord looks at you, at your naked soul, your true self, He loves you. Unconditionally. Immeasurably. For all eternity. It’s time we started believing it.

What It Means to be Pro-Life

I’m going to touch on a controversial topic here today. I don’t usually mess with hot topics because “I’m a Virgo. I don’t like confrontations.” In other words, no matter what I say or what my opinion is, there is going to be someone who thinks differently than I do. And that’s okay! We can have grown-up conversations and treat each other like respectable human beings? Right? I hope so. I have stuff to get off my flat chest. So here goes…

I am Pro-Life/Pro-Woman. Or, as I like to put it Pro-Options. I’ll explain this a bit further. Abortion is a super hot topic these days so I’m going to put on my cushiony oven mitts while I handle this post. So disclaimer here: I get real. I get honest. Let’s put on our big girl panties.

If you know my personal story, I am Pro-Life for many more reasons than just the cross that hangs around my neck. Perhaps I will share that another day. Someone says they are Pro-Life and people say, “Well, you must be a Christian! But you are the ones who judge me!” Let me be the first to say that much of the Church dropped the ball on this one in the 20^th century. The brothers and sisters who have gone before us, God bless them, their love did not always shine through in their efforts to stand up for what they believe in. But we are getting there.

One of the big arguments that is used to promote abortions is that women will get an abortion out of desperation regardless of its legal status, leading to botched abortion jobs that could harm these ladies. These days, I beg to differ. What I want these unexpected mothers to know more than anything is that they are loved. Your life is just as precious as that baby you carry. There is support for you as you make decisions for the two of you. During and after pregnancy. My dear, you have so many options! We just do not live in the same culture that Roe vs. Wade took place in. Those fears of being judged, condemned, and disowned have lessened. Is there still that possibility? Unfortunately, yes, but humans are not perfect.

We live in a time when non-traditional families are everywhere! Families grow through births, adoptions, step-children, fostering… Like I said, options!

Mamas, there are churches and support groups and pregnancy centers and adoption agencies that are there for you! They bring with them love and joy, not judgment and condemnation. You have options! Please, please, take the time to talk to someone and weigh those options carefully. HERE are some resources you can call!

I know that some will say that you have a right to choose what you do with your body, and I 100% agree. But, you are making the choice for another body as well in this situation. It’s tough, gals. I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. You are an independent person with a dependent person growing inside of you.

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How freaking awesome are you?! You are growing a person! Please don’t be fooled by the lies that abortion has anything to do with women’s rights or feminism. Ladies, there is a new feminism in town and it doesn’t necessarily involve burning bras and wearing men’s suits. Be proud of who you are and what your body can do! Did I mention that you are growing a person?! You are a precious vessel incubating a member of our future generation and the future of mankind. Do not take this lightly. Do not let others look down on you for this. You may not have planned to be a life-holder, at least not at this point in your life, but here you are. And it is tough. And it is beautiful. No man can do what you do and not even all women are blessed with such a gift.

Don’t let the world tell you that you are incapable; that you were not meant for this task of carrying and birthing a human life. Pregnancy is not some disease, for goodness sake! The world wants to label it as such, giving it side effects and pills to deal with it; some point at you and say “well, that’s just the worst thing that could have happened to her” and others offer you an “easy way out.” Either way, you feel judged for *gasp* becoming pregnant unexpectedly or outside of marriage, and you feel judged for choosing an abortion, choosing the “easy way out.” You feel condemned no matter which “side” you choose. We humans are confusing, judgmental people.

http://liveaction.org

To my Pro-Lifers, my Pro-Choicers, and my On-the-Fencers, this is more than just a political stance we are dealing with. This is LIFE. Not just the life of a child, but of a woman. There should be no fear of condemnation for rocking a baby bump in whatever life circumstances you find yourself. We need not judge her, but hold her hand and tell her she is beautiful! I consider it a crisis when millions of women each year, just here in America, feel that they are left with no other choice but an abortion. Where are the options for these women and the support that they need??

I’m not necessarily talking about the life-or-death situations here. But in more “normal” cases, you know, when the wine was just too good and the lights were just too low (*wink*wink*), abortion is not birth control. If we want to see abortion rates go down in America, let’s have those women’s clinics offer more free birth control, even free insertable ones! What are those called? My high school was passing out free condoms at one point, for Pete’s sake! And yet our pregnancy rates were out the roof.

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Let’s make adoption more affordable! (Please, oh please!) Shoot, let’s offer more affordable tubal ligations for the mamas who know without a doubt that they are done. For those working mamas and student mamas, let’s tap into those free childcare resources. And, for goodness sake, can we stop trying to turn our women into men and support them when they need to take time off to birth and care for these little humans? Surprise, Human Resources! Women need time to heal after pushing a human being out of their vaginas! What is up with the 12 weeks of UNPAID maternity leave? Politicians, corporate world, universities, fast-food chains – wake up and support our mothers!! Think retention, not unproductivity. Let’s follow the lead of every other developed country and take care of our new mothers with paid leave! Abortion rates in places like Canada, with a year’s worth of paid maternity leave, have actually gone down! 

When women feel safe, loved, and supported in less-than-desirable situations, it frees them up to make decisions not based on fear and rejection, or flat-out survival.

Here’s where I get brutally honest to future mamas (and daddies): If you aren’t ready to be a parent, either keep it in your pants or use birth control. That should always be the FIRST choice that is made when it comes to preventing unwanted pregnancies. Just like we need to be grown ups and have civil, adult conversations, let’s make some common sense, adult choices people. Life has this thing called consequences.

And if you mess up (or that birth control fails you), woman up and deal with it. Life just ain’t a bucket of rainbows and sunshine. I’m sorry, dear. People make mistakes. People fail. People let you down. You are talking to a multiple-offender here. It’s just in our nature. Cry about it. Scream in your pillow. Talk someone’s ear off until their ear is literally lying there on the floor and you have to take them to the ER to have their ear sewn back on. And then, once you’ve dealt with those emotions, look for those options. Look for that support. (My dear Church, BE that support!) It is there. I’ve seen it.

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I get it. Pregnancy can be hard. Parenting is even harder. It is not for the faint of heart. Children can be life-sucking, little narcissists. We don’t exactly give birth to baby unicorns (um, ouch) who can change their own diapers and feed themselves straight out of the womb. I have had both an easy and a hard pregnancy. I’ve put my career on hold for these little boogers and I’ve gone to school in the midst of going from one minion to two rampaging through our household. Sometimes I wonder, “This is what I wanted more than anything in the world? This is what kept me up at night, two shades away from depression when I thought my womb barren?” YUP! They have been such blessings in disguise and, in caring for another human being (and making me one toddler tantrum away from my own crazy outburst), they teach you so much about yourself and they change you from the inside out. Ladies, do we want our children to believe that they are loved only when they are convenient to us? Church, do we want our mothers to believe the same? Let’s raise up our mothers and their children with the knowledge that they are wanted. That they are not to be loved based upon convenience and schedules.

Church, keep stepping it up. I pray that you will be a sanctuary and a place of refuge for these hurting women. Adopt, foster, mentor mothers, and fight for their support from our government and their employers. But above all, love. We must love humbly and with grace because that is how He first loved us.

Mamas, You. Are. Loved. I can’t say this enough because my heart just swells with compassion and empathy and hope for you. A Pro-Life stance is not just about “saving” that baby inside you. It’s about options. It’s about being Pro-Options. It’s about embracing those in need. It’s about love.

A Pastor's Week

Did you know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month? Yes, it was a surprise to me as well. I had never heard of it until a few years ago. I even had to look it up to see which month it is because I often forget about it until someone reminds me (if, in fact, anyone else remembers to remind me!).

If you attend a church, even one day out of the year (Easter, perhaps?), then I highly recommend that you take the time to tell your pastor (minister, reverend, whatever you may call them) thank you. And you don't have to wait until October pops up on the calendar to do so! Please, please, take the time throughout the year to let them know that the time and dedication they put into the lives of others is greatly appreciated. I guarantee you that it will brighten their day and possibly give them that push to get through another week as they wonder whether or not they are making an impact for the Kingdom. This includes your music minister, youth pastor, children's director, etc!

Oftentimes there is the misconception that all pastors work just one day a week: when they preach their Sunday sermons. Granted, some pastors tend towards focusing on only the preaching aspect of their job, most pastors are out there getting their hands dirty the rest of the week. And, to be brutally honest, as a pastor's wife, it sometimes makes me jealous. There. I said it. I get jealous when my husband is spending time away from home, outside of "business hours," investing in the lives of others. Is this selfish of me? Of course. I'll admit it. Being a pastor is no 9-5, normal job. Jeff spends time away from his family in order to help other families and to support those who are apart of this family we call Church. And that's what makes it okay. That's what curbs my jealousy. If he were spending over 40 hours a week on some typical, cubicle, daily grind sort of job, things would be different.

So, I thought I would give you a glimpse into an "average" week for a pastor. Or, at least, for my pastor. I put quotes around "average" because that just doesn't really exist in this career field. Serious face on again: I did not know what I was getting myself into when I married a pastor. Now I know why I used to stay away from ministry majors in college. No joke! I refused to date any youth ministry major at my school because I thought they were all immature youth-wannabes who just wanted to play games the rest of their lives. Who needs to go to school to learn how to play games that involve chugging a Coke through a stinky sock, right? Jeff certainly proved me wrong there. He does still play silly games, but how else are you going to keep the attention of a bunch of 7th-12th graders on a Wednesday night when they could be at home binge-watching Netflix? Seriously. Don't even get me started...

Here it goes then! I kept track of all the hours Jeff put into work this week (unbeknownst to him)! I won't get too particular on the wheres, whens, and whos, but just hours per day that he is doing something for the church. This could be preparing lessons, teaching, counseling, hosting special events, running errands, community projects, playing chaffeur, or even supporting his youth by attending an event.

Sunday: 7.5 hours
Monday: 8 hours
Tuesday: 9 hours
Wednesday: 10.5 hours
Thursday: 11 hours
Friday: 8 hours
Saturday: A family day!

And this wasn't even a week that he also had to preach on Sunday, it wasn't his week to run the soup kitchen, he had no church business or budget meetings, and it wasn't a week he had any Air Force duty to complete as a reserve chaplain.

So let's add that up shall we? Did you get out your calculator? I got 54 hours. That's quite a bit of hours for a guy that "only works on Sundays," am I right? There are plenty of awesome people out there putting in just as many hours into their jobs, but let me also remind you that pastors don't get paid overtime and, to be honest, many don't get paid much of a salary either (unless of course they are some hot shot in a megachurch, but that's certainly not the majority). These awesome men and women don't exactly get into the business for the money and no one pastor's job description looks the same. Some pastors wear hats from janitor, to electrician, to music minister, to Sunday morning preacher. The congregation and the community also look different from church to church and pastors have to take that into account as well.


Am I bragging on my husband? Sure, maybe a bit. My main point here, however, is to get some of our pastors out of those stereotypes created by both members and non-members of the Church (and even by some pastors who may think their job revolves only around Sunday)! Those in the ministry (I'm not just talking to pastors here) know what I am talking about. They know what it is like to pour themselves out and pour themselves out day after day in order to help others (and, too many times, please others) by meeting needs in their church and in their community. Those in the ministry should view themselves as those great helpers of the community that we also often under-appreciate: the police officers, firemen, paramedics, teachers, and nurses that work their butt off to help others. Every. Single. Day. They know.

Being a pastor is much more than reading the Bible and preaching sermons. It's this calling felt by men and women to walk with others through this thing called life. They are spiritual leaders, teachers, counselors, mentors, friends, and a shoulder to cry on. They are there to celebrate with you life's greatest events: graduation, marriage, baptism, new babies. And they are there to assist in life's most difficult moments, whether it be counseling a separated married couple or officiating a funeral. They wear so many hats, y'all. Especially those in the small to average-sized churches. Jeff has cleaned toilets, pulled weeds, painted walls, shoveled snow, and helped people move. Who knew pastoring involved so much hard work and heavy lifting!

People do not become pastors because they are perfect. Far from it, in fact. They are just on this ride, holding on for dear life, wondering all the while if they are doing the right thing; the same as the next person. Putting others first is exhausting, y'all. You know. You've done it. Perhaps it is your job as well. It's a hard job to do well in this imperfect world with our imperfect human bodies. So take the time to thank those who make a living doing it. Thank a pastor. And while you're at it, thank a nurse, or police officer, or teacher. Or even the lady volunteering her time at a pregnancy center. Their weary souls need it just as much as the souls they are helping.

And while I'm in this thanking mood, thank you, thank you, thank you to those who volunteer their time to help others and to help in the church. Our busy pastors (and their introvert wives) cannot do it all themselves. Each of you is a pastor, a minister, a leader in your own way. So pat yourself on the back. :)