I am Dirt

And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. - Genesis 2:7

Exactly four weeks ago, we welcomed our beautiful baby boy, Bennett Eugene, into this world! He was born January 5, 2013 at 10:47 am; 6 lb, 14 oz, and 19.5 inches. Things have been crazy since then and it took me a good 2-3 weeks before I actually started feeling human again. The experience of bringing him into this world was hard, exhausting, and beautiful... and has taken me a while to figure out how to put it into words.

 

Looking at my little man today, I am just amazed at this mini human body that the Lord created. I mean, this little person was formed inside of me! His big blue/gray eyes, cute button nose, organs, and fragile little skeleton all woven together in my womb. He is just perfect. I learned in one of my classes yesterday that an embryo's central nervous system begins forming at just two weeks! The heart starts beating at four weeks. All this before most people even find out they are pregnant! Wow.

This miracle of life caused me to look back into the book of Genesis at the very first creation of man. The Lord took some lucky dirt and formed it into a person just as he used my body to create our little Bennett. Perhaps it was an uncomfortable experience for that dirt, but the ending result was life. Though it hurt like hell to finally get him here, the Lord used my womb to mold a new human into being. Like that dirt that was there the day God breathed life into the first man, I bore witness to (and very actively participated in) a new human being breathing his first breath in this world. I have to say, that moment, that first gurgled breath and cry, made all the hours of painful contractions worth it. When they placed that screaming baby, MY screaming baby, into my arms there was this overwhelming sense of joy, relief, and something I can only describe as reverence; as if I had just been a part of something sacred. As sacred as the day Adam took his first breath. You mamas out there know what I am talking about...

My labor lasted approximately 13 hours, though I'm not exactly sure. I went in because my blood pressure was high and I was having stomach cramps. It turns out I was also having very slight contractions every two minutes, lasting about a minute. I was glad that my doctor was there that weekend. I had the choice to go home or have her break my water. I was nervous about going home, an hour away, and then having to make that drive again later in labor. So... I had her break my water. Three hours later, I wasn't dilated enough so they gave me what I was absolutely dreading... pitocin. It made contractions hurt like a *bleep* but I did dilate faster. I finally had to break down and ask for something, anything less than an epidural. They gave me half a dose of a pain medication and, honestly, it didn't do jack! I have never been in so much pain in my life. The only way I could describe it was, "Oh my Lord, I'm dying!" I knew I wasn't, but holy ouch. I wanted to go as natural as possible, but with the pitocin, I really wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it through to the end. Now I know why people go for the epidural and even the scheduled c-section.

Now that I have made it through the experience and I am finally holding my son in my arms, minus the fact that I broke down and asked for a pain med, I am so proud of myself. I feel like I have this connection with billions of women who have gone before me. Corny, I know, but I'm looking at it from an anthropologist's perspective here.

I couldn't have done it without my mom, who stayed awake and by my side through the whole night (the doc broke my water just after midnight and he wasn't born until 10:47 am). My husband may have taken a nap somewhere in there, but really, what could he do? Having him there and holding my hand (and leg) as Bennett was being born was an experience we shared that just can't be duplicated. We are a closer family because of it. I was nervous and a bit embarrassed, but he has touched my heart so much with the way he has taken care of me. The way he looks into our son's eyes and tells him how much he loves him just makes me melt. I love our little family.

I went in with so much confidence in my high tolerance for pain, but ended up broken before he was finally here. I cried. I chanted, "ow, ow, ow, ow" - something I wanted to avoid. I complained and got frustrated with myself a lot more than I thought I would. And yes, I got frustrated with my mom and the nurse who tried to tell me I wasn't breathing right. No method of breathing made it hurt any less, ladies! I thank everyone for their support, but ultimately, it was an ordeal I had to go through myself... and gosh darnit, I did it!

Although it seems like forever ago now, Jeff's dad, sister, and her husband came to visit for Christmas. We had a great time with great company. New Year's was uneventful. I wasn't feeling well and my blood pressure was high so Jeff went to a party without me, but came home to be with me at midnight. :) I am glad Bennett came a little early because I was quite bored, not having been at work since December 5, exactly a month before his birthday. Also, a huge thanks to so many of our church family members who have brought us meals these past few weeks. They have been delicious and such a blessing for a sore new mama who couldn't make it out to the store for a while. I'm so excited to be a new mommy and Bennett is already such an adorable blessing to us. I never knew my heart could be so full...

For You formed my inward parts;You covered me in my mother's womb.I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;- Psalm 139: 13-14

Christmas Cookies of 2012

[I started typing this post up two weeks ago... probably time I should finish it.]

I made a ridiculous amount of cookies this year... like I do most years. Of course, this year I was put on maternity leave early so I had a little extra time on my hands. Here are a few of my favorites from this holiday season!

Tangerine Butter Cookies

These are delicious and unique, I have made them two years in a row. I got this from a Better Homes and Gardens special edition magazine from 2008.

Tangerine Butter (top cookie with the "+")
Pumpkin Pockets (middle cookie with the star)

3/4 cup butter, softened
11/2 cups sugar
11/2 tsp baking soda
11/2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
2 tsp shredded tangerine peel
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp orange extract
3/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup white cornmeal
4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar

1) In large bowl, beat butter on medium to high for 30 seconds. Add the 11/2 cups of sugar, the baking soda, cream of tartar, and salt. Beat until light and fluffy, scraping bowl occasionally. Beat in eggs, tangerine peel, vanilla, and orange extract until combined. Gradually beat in oil until smooth. Beat in cornmeal. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer. Stir in any remaining flour. If necessary, cover and chill for 30-60 minutes or until dough is easy to handle.
2) Preheat oven to 350 F. Place the 1/2 cup sugar in a small bowl. Shape dough into 1-inch balls; roll balls in sugar to coat. Place balls 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. Using a wooden skewer or toothpick, press an X into each ball of dough.
3) Bake in the preheated oven for 9-11 minutes or until tops are very lightly browned. While warm, lightly press again with wooden skewer to make deeper X. Transfer cookies to a wire rack; let cool. Makes about 84 cookies.

Pumpkin Pockets

Also my favorite! Found this recipe in the same magazine and bought a nice cookie cutter to make these extra fancy and professional.

1/2 cup water
1 tbsp granulated sugar
2 tsp cornstarch
1/2 cup pumpkin butter
1/2 cup snipped, pitted whole dates
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground cloves
3/4 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup molasses
1 egg

1) For filling: In a small saucepan, combine the water, granulated sugar, and cornstarch. Stir in pumpkin butter and dates. Bring to boiling, stirring to dissolve sugar; reduce heat. Cook, uncovered, about 15 minutes or until filling is thickened, stirring frequently. Cook for 1 hour.
2) Meanwhile, stir together flour, ginger, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, and cloves. In a large bowl, beat butter with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Add brown sugar and molasses. Beat until combined, scraping bowl. Beat in egg. Beat in as much of the flour mixture as you can. Using a wooden spoon, stir in any remaining flour mixture. Divide dough into thirds. Cover and chill about 1 hour.
3) Preheat oven to 375 F. Line a large cooke sheet with parchment paper; set aside. On a lightly floured surface, roll out one of the dough portions to a 1/8-inch thickness. Using a floured fluted, round 2-inch cookie cutter, cut out dough. Place half of the dough rounds 2 inches apart on prepared cookie sheet. Spread about 1/2 teaspoon of the filling in the center of each round on cookie sheet.
4) Using a floured 1/2- to 3/4-inch hors d'oeuvre cutter, cut out centers from the remaining dough rounds (I used a special cookie cutter with the center already cut out). Place cutout rounds on top of filling-topped rounds; press edges together.
5) Bake for 8-9 minutes or just until edges are firm. Transfer cookies to a wire rack; let cool. Repeat with remaining dough portions and remaining filling. Makes about 60 cookies.

Sour Cream Sugar Cookies

And finally, my go-to yummy sugar cookies recipe I use for those fun cookie cutouts I get to decorate with icing and sprinkles! Easy and delicious.

Christmas Cutouts

22/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 egg
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup sour cream

1) Combine first five ingredients and set aside.
2) Cream softened butter and sugar with mixer. Beat in egg and vanilla.
3) Stir in half of flour mixture with half of sour cream to the creamed mixture. Add remaining flour and sour cream; mix well. Divide dough into four parts.
4) On lightly floured surface, roll out one part of the dough to 1/4-inch thickness. Use cookie cutters to cut out shapes.
5) Place cutouts one inch apart on ungreased baking sheet and bake at 350 F for 10-12 minutes. Place on wire rack to cool.
6) Repeat with remaining dough.
7) Top with icing and sprinkles when cool! Yields approximately 31/2 dozen cookies.


ENJOY!!

New Camera, New Shape

So I've been trying to figure out my new camera. It is fabulous, by the way. I really wanted to get some professional photos of Jeff and I this summer, but after finding out I was pregnant (and checking out the costs), I decided against it. For now. We never even got engagement photos taken, so we've been wanting to get some pro photos. I guess we will just have to do so after our little one gets here! Of course I can't wait to do some newborn photos of him myself... :)

I have also been on the fence about getting maternity photos done. I've seen some really classy ones and some just plain awkward ones. There were some cute ones on Pinterest (see the name tag photo) and I also combined some ideas from the internet. My favorite is the Christmas tree photo. I saw one of two little kids standing in front of a lit up tree online and thought it would look cool to get a shot of my pregnant silhouette in front of the tree. In order to capture that shot the recommendation was to put the ISO on the camera as high as possible (mine went up to 6400), change the shutter speed to 1/30, and set the f-stop to 1.8 (mine would only go down to 4). The results turned out awesome! I plan to try this out in the future with my kiddos. I just wish my tree wasn't crammed in a corner with crap all around it. Any who... enjoy the photos!

PS... the doc put me on early maternity leave due to high blood pressure. Baby is looking great and his estimated weight is almost six pounds, but mommy is getting more uncomfortable by the day and now has lots more free time. This gives me more time to get my baking done and get the house ready for his arrival... at least after Christmas I'm hoping. I'll have to take some photos of the many different cookie recipes I tried out this year!

Giving Thanks Season

Sleepy

We are SO glad my family made the trip out to see us this Thanksgiving. Every year we make the 12 hour drive to see our families in Oklahoma, but this year, it was just a gift to stay home and relax. We will be missing some close family members this holiday season, but were reminded this week that the Lord gives as much as he takes away. The day before Thanksgiving, we took my family to my 32 week 3D ultrasound to see their newest family member! Technology these days is amazing and we were able to see our precious son's face quite clearly. He was sleeping and a little mad at us for waking him up...

Adorable

Grumpy

Baby Yawn!

We also had the chance to finish his nursery! We have had a few baby showers with family, friends, and church family and they have blessed us with everything we need! So thankful for those that are just surrounding our growing little family with love.

Because the Barros family will be making the trek up here for Christmas to visit us this year, we went ahead and had our Christmas present openings with the Waylans. Austin and Autumn got Uncle and Aunt t-shirts. Dad got his cross pen he has been asking for. Mom even got her Mother's Ring she has been asking for and wasn't expecting from all her kids this year! Jeff got CU football tickets for the next day. And I got my camera!! We've already gotten a glimpse at Bennett's adorable face... this new camera is going to be put to good use when he finally gets here!

Yup! The game is tomorrow!

Happy about expensive pens...

Auntie Aummie

Uncle Austin

Mama's Bling

Friday was game day. Jeff was surprised and loved his gift. Though the Buffs are having a not-so-great season, it was some quality family fun! And Bennett's only free game he will get to go to...

Just a little over 7 weeks until we get to meet our little one! We are getting really excited and just can't wait to meet him. :)

One Year Reminders

I'm reminded of how thankful I am for great parents today. My husband is the wonderful person he is in large part because of the godly parents who raised him. I wish that our children had the chance to know Jeff's mother here on earth, but they will instead have to get to know her through the qualities she passed on to their father.

So thankful for the little boy that is growing inside me and that I get to be his mother. I pray that I never take that responsibility for granted. 

A family is a little world created by love...

Fall is here! The aspens here are changing color and it is just gorgeous. I can't wait to carve pumpkins and eat pumpkin pie! We have had a busy start to October already. I feel like 2012 is going to be over before we know it with all the holidays on their way.

First off, some great news about our adoption: As of today, we are officially on the waiting list to adopt from Ethiopia!! The two year countdown can finally begin! The agency updated their policy and are allowing us to continue in the adoption process. Because the wait is so long, it works out quite well. There has to be at least 10-12 months between when children enter the home, either by birth or adoption, and the adopted child will need to be the youngest when entering the home. So, by the time our little Bennett is going on about two years old, we will get to meet his little brother or sister! It's crazy to think how much our lives our going to change in the next two years. We will welcome our firstborn into the world in about three months, then we will be adopting a child from Ethiopia in about two years. We are so excited and can't believe our little family is growing so quickly already! Thank you so much to all our friends and family for your continued prayers. I hope that you'll join us in not only praying for Bennett's safe delivery into this world, but also for our future adopted child who does not yet exist.

















As I mentioned at the start, October has been crazy busy for us already. The last weekend in September, we drove to Oklahoma to visit the Waylan and Dorland family. We won't get to see them for the holidays, so we wanted to get a quick trip in (and give Bennett a taste of KuKu!). My wonderful family threw us our first baby shower and they did such an excellent job. The decorations were awesome, the food delicious, and the games hilarious. What a loving family Bennett is coming into!













After that, Ashley flew to Virginia and Jeff stayed in Oklahoma for weddings. Jeff's sister, Ashlie, got married in OKC on 10.05.2012 and they had a picnic-themed wedding. I'm so sad I missed Jeff officiating his sister's wedding and she looks absolutely gorgeous in her pictures! Can't wait to see more!

Meagan, Ashley's roomie from college, got married on 10.06.2012 in a barn in Nellysford, VA! It was an absolutely beautiful country wedding. Congratulations to both of these lovely ladies!

Pregnancy is going well so far. Just a week or two away from the third trimester! I did learn, however, that hours in cars and planes is even less fun when you are pregnant. I just got home yesterday, so I'm still in recovery mode. Baby B seems to be doing just fine, practicing his gymnastics and waking his mom up with his soccer kicks in the middle of the night. My next appointment is this week and I will have to do the glucose test, so ick. Our next ultrasound is scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving when my parents will be here and we can't wait to share that with them and get another peek at our little one before he makes his debut in January. The nursery has a ways to go, but at least we got it painted! We are waiting on his furniture to come in, then we will start with the setting up.

The holidays will be here soon, so that means family and food! My favorite time of the year! Ashley's family will be visiting for Thanksgiving, then Jeff's family will be here for Christmas! I may be doing some waddling by then, but I can't wait to get my Christmas cookies started. Wow, January really will be here before we know it...


In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning, I lay my requests before you
and wait expectantly.
~ Psalm 5:3

Slugs, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

Let's hope that's not what I'm feeling wriggling around in my belly right now. Luckily, little boys are are just made out of flesh and bone and this one's already working up some muscles with all his kicks and punches. Jeff's going to be so proud when he gets old enough to play on a soccer field. 

That's right, we are having a boy! We got to find out on August 15th at 18 weeks. So, the story goes... we went to our scheduled doctor's appointment to get the anatomy scan done and we were just so excited because they were going to tell us what we were having! Boy? Girl? Puppy?? I don't know about Jeff, but I couldn't sleep the night before. So, the ultrasound tech was doing all her measurements and after looking at his femur length, brain, and some other organs, it was finally time to check between the legs! Unfortunately, our little guy was being stubborn and uncooperative that day and decided he did not want to show off for us. Basically, we left there disappointed with some grainy pictures of his scrawny buttocks.

Baby B @ 18 weeks

18 weeks

This child is going to find out soon enough that we can be just as stubborn and determined as him. So... we scheduled another ultrasound. It actually wasn't too much out of pocket for a quick gender scan, so I sipped on some sugary fruit juice and off we went! It was actually a lot of fun because they gave us a sneak peek at him in 3D. I actually had no desire to have any 3D ultrasounds done, but after seeing his adorable little face, we are thinking about going back before he is born... 

So, our dear future son, that is the story of how you decided to cross your legs when all we wanted to do was take a glimpse at your little package. I'm sure when you are a toddler and streaking naked through our home, we will look back on that day and smile. :)

And in case you are wondering, yes, we have picked out a name: Bennett Eugene Barros

As for an update on our paperwork "pregnancy," aka, our adoption process: we are still waiting for our agency to update their policies, but they are going to allow us to submit our dossier to Ethiopia! We don't have all the details yet, but all we know so far is that we are going to get on the waiting list soon and that is great news because it is a 20-24 month wait list right now... So, we are just updating some documents and then they will be sending it off! I think little Bennett will be ready for a baby sister when he is going on two years old, right? ;)

Please pray for our little boy God is knitting together in this womb and that the pregnancy continues to go well with no complications. Also, please pray for the adoption process and for the child that we will one day have the privilege of offering a loving home to. Thank you so much to all of our family and friends, just for loving and supporting us as our family grows. We are excited to share these amazing times with you.

Mama Barros @ 20 weeks

Model Planes for the Nursery
made by Grandpa and Daddy